Anger, a common emotion that we all have experienced in our life and probably no one remains untouched from its grip. We start stimulating anger since we are just infants. With increasing anger globally, managing anger has become a hard challenge for individuals. How to keep cool when someone or something annoys us without giving in to the emotion of rage? The answer has always been in front of us only we kept overlooking, we only need a bit of openness to accept and analyze and once you get to do that you’d realize how easy it was.
We will tell you the ways you can opt to kill the fury inside you (aka anger management) but before we start let us jump to the basics i.e. What is anger and why do we get angry?
According to Ph.D. and psychologist Charles Spielberger, ‘anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.’ When a person undergoes anger his physical state sees various changes. The physical changes could be higher blood pressure, faster pulse rate, increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. But, why do we get angry and what makes our body react in that manner? Psychology says, circumstances that make people angry could vary person to person, however, what’s common is every single person feels wrath when they find and perceive something unpleasant, unfair or when they find something blameworthy. When a person is unable to cope up with the situations or when things go out of control and you cannot do anything to bring it in your hands, you feel this emotion.
Trust us when we say the struggle to tame anger is real and people are finding it hard to do so. Anyways, fear not for putting anger under sheets has never been this easy.
1. Finding the cause: It probably is the most important step and the hardest one because when a person experiences anger, his/her senses of reasoning get blinded making the thinking process even more difficult. One must find the cause of anger, what is the reason behind this destructive emotion? Go into self-analysis, could it be the co-worker asking too many questions or you were stuck in traffic for so long that your patience ran out. Another reason could be your upbringing and of course, ours too, where we witnessed elders hitting other people, shouting, cursing and we imprinted on our mindset that this is how temper is drawn out. Sometimes when people don’t agree with our opinions infuriate us. Try to comprehend, they are all different individuals and all have a distinct set of opinions, why coerce yours on them.
Anger is also associated with fear, could it be something you fear? Your insecurity contributes to your outbursts, why you feel angry for insecurities, is it even a flaw that you’re ashamed of? People shame others on every possible grounds and there is no escape to the stupidity of theirs. There’s a saying ‘People are dumb but a person is smart’ though sometimes even a person acts dumb. Could it be the fear of your breakup with the loved one? Keeping emotions contained inside too is a factor of getting pumped up. If you’re going through a tough phase in life, talk it out, if you fear your relationship is ending, communicate, express your fears and tell the one what’s killing you but, the only thing that matters is you find out the root of your anger. You cannot cure a disease without knowing it.
2. List out the triggering agents and thoughts: Everything that happens, happens for a reason, whether you are sad, happy, angry or scared. You never know when and where you’ll come across the agents that can stimulate one of those feeling especially in the case of anger. Anger is unpredictable but can be predicted if you prepare yourself. Make a list of the things that keeps turning you into the incredible hulk. Jotting down might be difficult and is time-consuming too, still, once it’s done you’ll the know the potential determinants. For example, Ben, he’s the guy that gets annoyed by his co-worker, he hates avocado (no one hates avocado), he hates getting tickled, mayonnaise sets his teeth on edge, well, you got the idea. You cannot escape the situation you nonetheless can pull the agents out, like no avocado in your taco, you give instruction before its made or the next day you go office, confront your co about how annoying he is and he should let you live in peace.
You can write your thoughts down whenever experiencing temper if you don’t break the pen. You’ll find out the reasons why you are angry or are you even angry or is it just a coverup for the fear and sorrow? You write how you feel at that moment, put date and time, the time you’ll consume in writing, will calm your anger down to some extent. It always works. Necessary to manage anger on the long term.
3. Quick and effective cooldowns: Taming anger on a long term basis is important but controlling it for the moment is a necessity. Bringing your wrath upon someone is never a good idea, in fact, it is the most cowardly thing to do. Go find yourself some cool water and as soon you get it gulp it down, it works. The water doesn’t do much, it is the change in course of action from sudden anger to a productive activity, the need of the moment when you decide to go for the water. Sugar intake can work wonders in calming down, it so doesn’t mean you go and do a mouthful of raw crystal sugar, you can opt for chocolate or dark chocolate, some cool and sweet shakes.
Thinking practically itself seems impossible during anger let alone exercising to limp it. Do a couple of deep breathing sessions and while you exhale try emptying all the negative thoughts that are flooding your mind, never in this world a positive thought can enrage a person. Count to 10, go slow no need for the rush. Relate every number with something jolly to make the anger management process more effective. Work it out with some logic, so what someone pissed you off, getting angry would do nothing to anyone but will harm your brain cells. And if no quick tips pan out (it works 100% for sure) hit the gym, turn your anger into transforming yourself into a stronger self and you will emerge cheerful.
4. Excuse yourself from the scene: Sometimes the best escape is to give yourself some space. If you find yourself getting angry during an argument anywhere, the best thing to do is leave the spot. Not only will it save your dignity but will also save your from the bitterness that you might have said had you stayed. In isolation, you get to introspect your own thoughts, search what caused the outburst, if the argument was between two people, why only you got angry, why the other person didn’t? Doubtless, no two opinions can be same, but, what’s worth noticing is if someone else is accepting your point of view then why can’t you?
Giving yourself some breathing space can also save relations you hold most dear, some might say you were coward enough to flee, it in no sense is true. You cannot extinguish the fire with fire, and when two people indulge in a heated discussion, someone definitely gets hurt. And it makes no sense when you can sort it out peacefully. Every problem has a logical and peaceful solution, you just got to look for more ways.
5. Calm And Share: Sharing is the most indispensable stuff to do, although no one expects you to tell tales when your brain has drained all the blood and is running hot without coolant. You must take your time to heal, your decisions are never the best in anguish and distress. But, whenever you gain your senses, do share the ordeal with someone. Tell them what’s making you go cranky, what’s messed up in that small brain of yours. Sharing will relieve you of the burden. Bottled up emotions will do more harm.
Do not go vulnerable to anyone, not everyone out there you know really cares, most of them are only pretending and waiting to wind the flames. Choose the person you want to tell carefully. Go for a walk, have an ice cream or two and let it all out and see the power of communication heal the wounds you inflicted on yourself through the unnecessary wrath.
6. Embrace It: Most of the people in the society associate anger with negativity, it is the fundamental depiction of anger amongst them, what they do not know that it is completely natural. You didn’t ask your parents to create the anger version of you in your mother’s womb. It’s ridiculous. Anger should be embraced, accepted and flaunted whenever necessary. Of course, not negatively, there are positive sides of anger too. For example, you’re starting a new company but are unsure what kind of boss should you be, the happier and jolly kind or angrier and dedicated kind. Well, a happy boss will reflect positively on employees just not for so long because too much light environment lessens productivity, on the other hand, an angry boss will make an employee think, hey! I haven’t completed my work yet, my boss is gonna get infuriated over my performance, hence, he will give his best. It doesn’t mean you keep a frowning face the whole time, anger sometimes is necessary for the good.
If you are running away from this particular emotion as ‘I cannot get angry how can I, I am the coolest guy around,’ won’t spare you from the harm it’s causing. You can only fool your thoughts for some time, not your elevated blood pressure and heart rate. We think embracing anger is a shameful act, no it is not. It is only embarrassing when you are enraged and acts you are not because the cartoonish inappropriate behavior is giving you away.
Anger is only destructive if you let it be and constructive if only you shift your perspective a little. Control your emotions and don’t let your anger control you. Managing Anger is a dream to all and our society has made it look difficult when it is as easy as you want it to be. Keep Calm And Be The Coolest Guy Around. Do write us if you know any other effective ways to calm the anger down.
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